Hi Abby,

I am an adult in the school community. Students sometimes ask me to introduce them to other people I know who might be able to help them on schoolwork, sports, college, clubs, or general advice. My problem is that a percentage of the students don’t follow up after I make the connection. Or they “ghost” the connection after the first email. In addition, they don’t update me as to the status of the outreach. The result of this is that my connections are getting tired of helping. It doesn’t reflect well on the student, the school, or me. What is the best way to explain to students the expectations and consequences, or should I let my connections know up-front that the student might not contact them, even though they asked for the introduction?

Signed, Perplexed

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Dear Perplexed,

What an interesting issue… After some thoughtful deliberation and talking to some other students, here is a list of actionable items you could take to remedy this situation:

Perhaps simply give the connections’ contact information to the student, allowing them to reach out in their own time.

From what it sounds like, you’ve been making the first step of reaching out to the connections on behalf of students, but I do think “ghosting” could be avoided if the student were to reach out first, instead of you. This way, the connection would only be contacted when the student truly has an intention of utilizing that relationship. Of course, students should still inform the connection that they received their contact information through you, and perhaps you would need to make it clear to these connections that you have given their contact info to a student as a sort of heads-up.

Explain to students that their actions are larger than themselves.

It’s often difficult for us students to understand this fact until we face a consequence that causes us to realize it is true. Obviously, we want to create situations in which people must face these consequences, so the next best thing is giving constant reminders that one student’s unprofessionalism may end up affecting not only them but also the adult making the connection and any future students who may need this connection. Thanks to our ACE Center, Castilleja students should have the toolkit to network and build relationships effectively, so a gentle nudge to remember this may be all that is needed.

Offer materials to remind the student of networking Dos and Don’ts.

Although it is true that Casti prepares us, it’s inevitable that some of us forget what we learn in networking workshops. When you provide the contact’s information, you could consider also supplying a link to an outside source that outlines basic networking manners. This way, you can get your expectations across, but since it doesn’t come from you directly, you can avoid feeling like a bossy-pants trying to force students to act in a certain way.

I hope this helps!
abby