Dear Abby,

How do you hold onto people before they leave, especially when time feels like it’s moving so fast? And why does it feel so hard to get close to people in other grades-what helped you get closer to people, and how’d you deal with that?

– Anonymous Friend

HELLO ABBY!

Now that it’s second semester of senior year, I’d really like to spend some more time with my friends, given that we all are a little less stressed! How do you recommend I go about this?

Signed, Friendly Senior

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Dear Anonymous Friend and Friendly Senior,

Looks like friendships are a topic of concern throughout all grades. For sure, something that I’ve learned over my seven years at Casti is that friends are the fuel that will take you through all of the hardest of times, and they are the gift you will enjoy during the best of times. Whether they are in your grade or not, it’s important you have someone to rely on.

Admittedly, it was only in my senior year that I truly began feeling comfortable making friends with people in different grades. Especially with older grades, I know the intimidation that precedes a friendship all too well. However, in my experience, there were others around me who extended a hand first, making me feel so comfortable around them that one moment we weren’t friends, and the next, we were. I encourage you, Anonymous Friend, to take advantage of these people around you, too. They may be in the same ACE Org, Enrichment, affinity group, or interest club as you—when you see them trying to come closer to you, simply open the door and let them in. And, on the other side, to all those who aren’t afraid to make new friends, I encourage you to be that person who knocks on someone’s door first, especially when they seem closed-off and quiet. For me, seeing people reach out truly helped me to open up and do the same for others as I rose through the grades. In each interaction with someone—even if it’s my first time talking to them—I simply act as if we’re already friends, partly for them to open up to me, but also partly to gaslight myself into not being nervous in front of them.

Now, when it comes to friends who leave, I have some more controversial advice. I’ve had friends leave to go live in war zones and pursue their passions halfway around the world. Though I don’t think that could be considered ideal in any situation, through these experiences I’ve learned that the best thing you can do when you’re afraid of losing someone is to simply let them go naturally. The fact that you’re worrying about this tells me that you will probably make an effort to remain close to your friends, and usually, that’s enough to sustain a relationship. However, if it isn’t, I wouldn’t fret too much. When you let a friend go, there will still be the occasional message or DM on your birthdays, or random replies to Instagram stories, but maybe that friend just is not meant for more than that. Usually, if someone is important enough that you are dreading your separation, they’ve already had a large impact on your life; they’ve already made their mark and it’s time for a new chapter. Of course, there’s always the chance that you guys will come back to each other again. If that’s meant to happen, it’ll happen without you stressing about it.

Now, before your friends leave, it’s always a great idea to make the most out of the time you have left together. This is what second-semester senior year is all about!

I guess the best place to start is break and lunchtimes! We’re all at school at the same time, so we should make the most of that. Go use your senior privileges and eat out, go get a boba, whatever floats your boat. Try to live with a “yes, and” mindset, only saying no to things when you’re already scheduled during that time, or when you’re really burnt out. Listen to yourself and your needs so that you can fully enjoy your friends’ presence. Make use of your weekends—whether you’re going out or staying in, it’s always nice to have someone with you. Even if you’re busy and have piles of work to do, just do it together! That’s what friends are for. Spend so much time with your people that by June, you’re sick of them. I think that will set you up nicely for the bittersweet goodbye that will inevitably come as you all go off to college.

Hope that was helpful,
abby