Loralei’s life lessons: An advice column

*Please keep in mind that all pieces of advice are to be taken with a grain of salt. Happy April Fools.

Q: How do I make friends? I am a really shy and antisocial person, so I need help making new friends. Could you give me advice please?

A. To make friends with the seniors, always be sure to wear a college sweatshirt. It’s an easy conversation starter! Most importantly, join Gatorbotics—they’re the most social bunch at this school.

Q: I’ve been lying to my friends about having watched Euphoria. How do I keep the act up?

Key Points:
1. Nate is the unproblematic, loving boyfriend.
2. Cassie and Maddy are #friendshipgoals.
3. Angus Fez gets his name for his love of meat, not drugs—a common misconception.
4. Cal = model husband and father.

Q: How many people can I invite to my sweet 16th birthday party? Can I invite acquaintances who I want to become close friends? What about people who I haven’t really hung out with or talked much to in years? Is a birthday party a good place to reconnect with others? I really want to invite as many people as I can, but I don’t want my invitees to think of me as weird or desperate for friends. Please help!

Ya know. I’ve always been a fan of big birthdays, so I think go for it. Invite everyone, especially those friends you think might have a little beef. Parties are always a good time for people to come together and work things out, especially with a nice old physical altercation. That’s sure to fix everything right up 🤕🥊

Q: What are some tips you guys might have for stressing less about school and grades? Or just on how to manage your time better overall?

Drop out.

Q: I always feel burned out and stressed. I honestly love school and learning but junior year is stressful! With trying to do well in AP classes, extracurriculars and SAT studying. How can I find a balance to keep myself sane? How can I manage all of it?

TBH, refer to my previous advice. I honestly have no clue how to combat these problems — Nance should we get together, a meeting of the minds per say?


I recommend getting a minimum of 10 hours of sleep a night, which ensures you’ll always be awake during lessons, never studying for tests because, let’s be honest, teachers want to see how much you know based on their teaching and not your studying (u shouldn’t have to be ur own teacher!). And most importantly, just know the teachers are there to help you grow emotionally and genuinely care about your feelings and stress levels <3

Q: How many moles of atoms are in the average thing?

You’re definitely not in my chem class because none of us know what’s going on,but from the Khan Academy peeps, one mole is equal to 6.023 x 1023 … but Quinton says 6.022 x 1023 and Blackwell says 6.02 x 1023.

Q : My friend is being threatened by seniors, what should I do?

I have no idea what you “should” do, as someone who doesn’t make many enemies except for those who don’t like Ohio State. But if I was in your position however, I think the best way to go about it is to assert your dominance. In the second quarter of second semester, join them in free dress every day, take their spot in the senior parking lot and maybe even take a nap in the stent. If that doesn’t work, I recommend you talk to your advisor 😃

Q: How do I stop procrastinating on my work?

Don’t. I think procrastinating is part of the process ❤️

Q: I failed my last test, and now I think my teacher hates me…what should I do?

Write a handwritten letter to them, detailing all your emotions because at this point it’s your only hope. Good luck, soldier.