A look into Castilleja’s failed romances

Four Castilleja students explore the trials and tribulations of high school relationships

Vienna Farano

Four Castilleja students explore the trials and tribulations of high school relationships

Relationships can bring up feelings of love and connection for some, and feelings of loneliness and isolation for others. Some people may feel empowered by their independence, while others are content in their commitment. That being said, there are a lot of mixed feelings when it comes to relationships.

Most people we know portray only the positive side of romance. Let’s be honest, most teen romances don’t resemble a Hallmark movie, and for every successful love story, there are a dozen stories of failed courtships and disastrous dates. Below, you’ll find some unsuccessful romantic endeavors that members of your Casti community have encountered as they’ve navigated high school relationships.

The Puketastic Disaster – Anonymous
Imagine, you’re in the backseat of your crush’s car, but there’s a twist. He’s not there; his parents are. Our unnamed source made small talk and suffered through unbearable spells of forced conversation and awkward silence for thirty minutes as she drove to R’s hockey game. Our little player didn’t know a thing about hockey, but, like the Casti girl she is, she spent some time studying by watching the New Jersey Devils with her dad (we love a supportive king).

She walked into the stadium, which stunk of BO and undeniable rizz. She mentally prepared herself to sit in the parent section for the entirety of the sixty-minute game and play the role of the “supportive situationship partner/girlfriend?” A mere twenty minutes into the game, our love interest brought himself down a few pegs by throwing up into his helmet. Our source described this integral moment with these eloquent words: “That moment was the epitome of getting the ick. I still have nightmares about it occasionally.”

The final straw was when R grabbed his squirty water bottle, proceeded to spray out the puke in this helmet, and put it back on. When our main character approached R after the game, he explained how he had indulged in “a Chipotle burrito bowl, chicken teriyaki, and a bag of candy” right before his game.

While this romance eventually died out through mutual ghosting, some (I) might say it was largely due to this event. This particular relationship may have failed, but lessons were learned and our source has grown wiser from the experience. She advises the Casti community to “embrace the absurdity of your situation” and “acknowledge the rose colored lenses – don’t fall in love too quickly.”

The Importance of Avoiding Miscommunications – Anonymous
Our second love affair began when our main character met “Sam” at an extracurricular activity. What started off as a friendship eventually blossomed into a “situationship” of sorts when he invited her to a Halloween party.

Fast forward a couple of months and our love birds were still going strong – well, that’s what he thought at least. Unfortunately, as many situationships tend to go, the lines of the relationship weren’t drawn and there were some mixed signals. Our boy Sam ended up telling his friends about the girl he’d pulled and made it sound like she was his girlfriend despite not wanting her to say anything about the relationship.

Rightfully so, our Castillejan was pretty upset. She hopped on the phone and gave him a talking to where she proceeded to “yell at him” in front of her friends while he “grew incredibly scared” of her. He was so caught off guard that she had figured out what he’d told his friends that “he hung up the phone and texted asking to meet for coffee.” The two discussed their relationship and decided that it simply “would not work.”

Our star’s advice for “people of the next ages” is to “define your relationships even if it’s as a situationship.” She noted that it “brings a lot of harm to your well-being and the state of your relationship [if you don’t label it].”

Don’t Bring Your Dog on a Date – Anonymous
After months of FaceTiming and hanging out in a group, our third anonymous source decided to meet her gentleman suitor (aka Jack) for their first date at a park. She was slightly nervous, so she brought her emotional support animal – a “yappy, crusty, white dog who views men as her inferiors and displays extreme jealousy towards other dogs.”

The pair sat on a bench while our Castillejan desperately tried to prevent her dog from pouncing on the boy. They exchanged some back and forth banter that was largely interrupted by her dog’s deep growl. She reminisced about her efforts to prevent the small creature “from clawing at Jack’s ankles” and from “biting his shoelaces.”

Things started to look up as her dog quieted down – or so she thought. The budding couple was having a deep conversation about their relationship when the little dog straddled Jack’s shoe and proceeded to urinate on his Jordan 1. Our Casti girl watched as the “traumatizing event” unfolded right before her eyes. Neither of them said a word; no one needed to as “the silence was deafening.” Even though Jack played it off, it was obvious he was upset.

Our source advises others to “laugh at the painfully awkward moments that occur in every relationship since they are unavoidable. At the end of the day, if you look back and smile, it wasn’t a fail, just a funny memory.” Lastly, “whatever you do, don’t bring your dog on your first date.”

What to do if You See Your Teacher on a Date – Anonymous Our final love affair takes place at a Starbucks in Los Altos. The source was waiting in line as a barista made her iced matcha latte while “Tyler” waited in the corner. All of a sudden, the door swung open, and in walked a Castilleja faculty member.

Our source’s jaw dropped to the floor. She was paralyzed, anticipating the embarrassing interaction that seemed inevitable. Without thinking, she sprinted through the back door and “dove behind some bushes near the Starbies,” leaving her date in the dust.

She immediately did what any person in her situation would do. That is, she called her friend in a panic for some on-the-spot advice. The friend was also interviewed and asked to recall our star’s reaction. She said the source “screamed so loud, I thought she was getting kidnapped or something.” After a good five minutes of searching, our Castillejan’s date came around the corner and was “incredibly confused” as to why his supposed date had “sprinted out of the Starbucks.”

Lesson learned. It can be awkward to see people you know when you’re hanging out with a date, especially if it’s an adult. Our anonymous source encourages others to “face potentially awkward situations with a positive attitude” and “never run away from your problems – you’ll probably just make them worse.”

From the trials and tribulations these four anonymous individuals faced came wisdom, experience, and, above all else, funny stories. Hopefully, you had a good laugh as you read some of these tales and took away some important advice on how to navigate young love and relationships.