Recently, it has come to my attention that an absurd amount of the influence in the Bay Area is named Larry. Off the top of my head I can think of three: Larry Ellison, Larry Page, and Larry Sonsini. Larry, or their given name Lawrence, is a very common name, so it would make sense that at least one or two have become influential in the Bay Area. However, this list is just insane. I was led to the following questions: Are people named Larry destined for greatness? How are the Bay Area Larry’s similar? Different? Are they all clones of one another?

For the last question, I have a definitive answer of no, but for the rest? I’m not so sure. First, we will begin with a brief overview of the three Larry’s. I will be going in age order, so we can possibly see each Larry’s effect on the others.

Larry Sonsini is the oldest, and I believe this may have led to a somewhat mentorship status of his within the Larry’s. Sonsini is a lawyer who Forbes has called “the most influential and well-connected lawyer in the industry.” A bit more of a quiet Larry, whom you may not have heard of, Sonsini keeps to the shadows of the Bay. If I need to still convince you of how significant Sonsini is to the Bay, he’s worked with Google and Youtube, and served as an advisor to Steve Jobs and the principals of both Google and Hewlett-Packard (to paraphrase his Wikipedia). While a bit less loud than his same-named counterparts, this Larry is still an intrinsic part of the Bay Area Larry landscape.

Next is Larry Ellison, the co-founder and current executive chair of Oracle. I, for one, am annoyed by Ellison and believe him now to be a poser of a Bay Area Larry. Over the course of the pandemic, Ellison has announced his personal move to Hawaii and Oracle headquarters’ imminent move to Texas. Ellison, why would you abandon the Bay Area for Texas? While all of this list’s Bay Area Larry’s are wealthy, Ellison is the most obnoxious upholder of capitalism, being ranked as the eighth most wealthy individual in the world.

Finally, the youngster of the bunch, there is Larry Page. Though the youngest, I wouldn’t hesitate to call Page the father of modern society, co-parenting with Sergey Brin. Without Page’s founding of Google, where would we all be? I’m literally writing this in GoogleDocs. An obvious point to Page’s opposition here is that his creation is stealing my data and selling it, but everyone has their flaws.

I briefly entertained the idea of interviewing all the Bay Area Larry’s, but was ultimately dissuaded by my inability to find contact information for two out of the three. The only one I was positive I could connect with, I was banned from contacting because he is my father’s boss and he “doesn’t want to get fired.” While I don’t think this article is as important as my father’s occupation, I believe it is critical that the broader Bay Area community eventually learn the Larry’s individual answers to the following questions, by way of me, or —if I may— a Larry convention or panel:
If someone in the Bay Area is overheard talking about “Larry” at dinner, which Larry do you think is being referred to? Does your answer change if that group is wearing jeans and T-shirts/hoodies, or button-up shirts and vests?
Do you think having the name Larry has helped you in any way throughout your life? (Were you destined for greatness?)
Do you feel like a Larry?

I do not believe I would be alone in saying that the Bay Area’s Larry’s are overwhelmingly capitalistic and could be harming society more than contributing to it. These Larry’s have all been highly influential in the Bay Area, though, and it would be unfair to ask them to depart (though Ellison has voluntarily *death glare*). Thus, I propose what I am calling Operation Larry Expansion, where other influential Larry’s are invited and slowly coerced into moving to the Bay Area. The end goal of this plan is to have the Bay Area be a hub for Larry’s.

The first Larry’s who would have to move to the Bay are Larry Hughes and Larry Bird. Steph Curry has far too strong a grasp on his place as Basketball Star of the Bay, and he must be dethroned (or, at least, have the throne expanded to fit two more). Additionally, Larry Brilliant —the epidemiologist who helped to eradicate smallpox— would be a necessary addition to what is quickly becoming an army of Larry’s. Finally, I propose Larry David’s relocation to the Bay Area, so we can have a well rounded group of Larry’s.

Through the creation of this article, I have learned I seemingly cannot write a serious Counterpoint article, though I do hope you’ve enjoyed this offering. If you know any other Bay Area Larry’s I have neglected to mention, have suggestions for Operation Larry Expansion, or would like to give me a piece of your mind, please do not hesitate to contact me.